Funny Stories

Denko 3

In Denko Part 3, things go from bad to worse for our stalker hero. The funny and true story of a stalker and the girlfriend who wants nothing to do with him. Read the transcript, it’s hilarious. (OP means Original Poster and 2CH are the people replying to him.)

Denko

Denko part 3 – [Help!] The Girl I’m Dating Isn’t My Girlfriend Anymore (´・ω・`)

#OP: I was going out with my girlfriend Denko, but she suddenly told me we’re not dating anymore. Does this mean we’ve broken up? (´・ω・`)

#2ch: You’re STILL here? They… They haven’t arrested you yet? Forget about Denko. I feel so bad for her.

#2ch: Haha, this is funny… I just woke up my girlfriend who was sleeping beside me, had her read the previous threads… and now she can’t sleep anymore.

#OP: Hey, this is no laughing matter! I made this thread so I could sort things out inside before I went to meet Denko today. This is how things went: I confessed my love for her -> Denko gave me the okay -> Denko said don’t email her -> Denko said she wasn’t dating me to begin with… I guess? I don’t understand it at all… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: Show us that supposed “okay” email. In full, no editing.

#OP: Me: “I love you, please go out with me!” (Abbreviated)
Denko: “Sure” (Non-abbreviated) (´・ω・`)

#OP: She suddenly changed her phone number and email address, so now I can’t contact her as much as I want to… Plus there are strange rumors spreading about me at school, and everyone is ignoring me… It hurts so much… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: It could be worse. On top of changing her phone number and email to get away from you, she could have had you checked into a mental institution.

#OP: Please! This is a huge shock to me! I can’t believe Denko would do something like this… Because just yesterday, one of Denko’s school friends sold me her new email and phone number for 60,000 yen… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: Same guy, huh… Frankly, I’m amazed he’s still around.

#2ch: Wait a sec… Did you really send over 600 emails without getting a reply?

#OP: I didn’t have any experience with romance, so yes, I sent that many. But I’m better now that everyone’s warned against me doing that… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: That takes dedication, man. But what would you do if Denko liked someone else?

#OP: I don’t think that would happen, but if she got another boyfriend, I’d cry… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: Okay, just for the sake of argument… If Denko got a boyfriend and said “OP, you’re creepy as hell, never show yourself to me again!!!!”, what would you do? Totally hypothetical.

#OP: I guess first I’d ask what she doesn’t like about me? And then I’d try my best to be a guy that satisfies Denko. (´・ω・`)

#2ch: She doesn’t want your love, so pretending to date Denko is just troubling her. It’s a waste of time getting so attached. Can’t you find another girl?

#OP: If I got another girlfriend, what would be the point of that? What would I tell Denko? (´・ω・`)

#2ch: Given the title of the thread, don’t you already know it’s time to give up?

#2ch: Let’s be realistic here, he didn’t have a girlfriend at any point.

#2ch: So, did you end up getting a reply from Denko?

#OP: After I sent that message, Denko changed her number and address, but the next day her friend sold them to me. Then I tried sending another email, but she changed her number yet again. I was really upset and bought the info from her friend again, but when I finally emailed Denko, she said we’re not dating… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: So the current situation is she said you’re not dating and you want to talk about what you should do?

#OP: Well, Denko seems to be denying me her email, so I set up a fake email address and I’m pretending to be one of her friends… I need a way to casually ask what she thinks about me in a conversation… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: You’d better not email her right now. Don’t blow your relationship at this point, man.

#OP: She might already be asleep… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: Maybe around 500 emails would wake her up?

#OP: Then she’d definitely know it was me! Please… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: If she’s sweet enough to actually reply at a time like this, I think I’ll fall for Denko myself.

#OP: I’ve been wanting to know when Denko sleeps, so I’ve watched her window to see when the lights go out. Usually the lights are out around 1 or 2, so she might be sleeping… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: Be frank with her, man! Then the conversation can flow naturally. Abruptly asking if she likes or hates you would be a mistake. Lead the conversation toward what you want to hear. Ask her if she has a boyfriend. If she says YES, then ask “Ooh, who is it?” If your name comes up, you’re safe. If she says she doesn’t have a boyfriend, then say “Didn’t someone confess their love to you, though? Who was that?” Then you can ask what you want about yourself.

#OP: Whoa! Thanks! That’s really useful!!! Lead the conversation, huh? I think I’ll send her an email now. Earlier I said “It’s ___! I changed my address, so please add me!!” Denko: “___ from ___? Gotcha! Sorry, I just changed addresses too. Invite me if you go out drinking again!”

#2ch: Maybe start with something like this: “Good morning, Denko! Sorry to message you now. I just woke up at this weird time… Before I get back to bed, I was just thinking… you’re really popular, right? So do you have a boyfriend?”

#OP: Thanks, I sent that. (´・ω・`)

#2ch: OP, what is it about Denko that charms you?

#OP: She’s cute, and tidy, and kind, and though she’s a little timid, she tries hard when she wants to. She’s always putting in lots of effort in the shadows… She’s just so delicate and pure. And she has a strong sense of justice, so she hates twisted things. (´・ω・`)

#2ch: Strong sense of justice? Hates twisted things? Wow, she must hate your guts.

#2ch: So basically, if this were a TV drama, Denko would be murdered.

#2ch: As a result of OP being constantly rejected, he kills Denko out of spite… Please, recognize you were never dating to begin with.

#OP: I HAVE HAD NO INTENTION OF KILLING OR ABUSING HER. I just wish things would go back to normal… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: And what was “normal” again?

#OP: Just mutually caring for one another? It sounds embarrassing when I write it… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: And how exactly did that mutual caring go?

#OP: Specifically? Uh, we emailed each other, I put smiley faces on things… We made lots of eye contact, I greeted her with a smile… I’m getting embarrassed, but yeah, it was a lot of things. Since everyone’s warned me that I send too many emails, I’m only going to send ten every three days… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: Take heart, everyone. There’s no mistaking that OP and Denko never “mutually cared for” each other.

#OP: I guess it’s just hard to explain our relationship to a third party… It’s something only we could understand, okay? (´・ω・`)

#2ch: You’re still at this… There’s other fish in the sea, and dating sites and all that. If Denko is eaten up by jealousy, then fine, go back to Denko. But if not, then get along with your new girl.

#OP: I COULDN’T HAVE ANYONE BESIDES DENKO. DENKO IS THE ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD I COULD LOVE.

#2ch: She changed her number and email address…Does he… not notice… What boyfriend wouldn’t be told about a new phone number and email…?

#2ch: He has no friends, and no experience with women, so this is how he thinks…

#OP: I don’t need friends as long as I have Denko. Besides, I think of you guys as friends… Since you’re all so experienced and giving me good advice… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: This guy is a serious pain in the ass.

#2ch: Why don’t you meet her face to face? Then she’ll definitely know how barf-worthy you are.

#OP: I WANT TO BUT THEY MIGHT CALL THE POLICE. I’ve keeping watch in front of the train station, but I’m beginning to suspect she changed her route… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: She’ll call the police if you go to her house? You’re… keeping watch… for her in front of the train station?! You suspect she changed her route? And you still think she likes you?

#OP: Do you think there’s a misunderstanding? I just want things cleared up… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: Confessing over email is so middle school… Why can’t you tell her directly?

#2ch: Can’t you ask Denko’s friends? The one who sold you her email?

#OP: Yeah, I’ve heard from her friend… Supposedly Denko is seriously afraid I’ll murder her someday. But I don’t think I can trust them… It’s important I hear the truth with my own ears… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: Okay, time to get serious! You’re pretending to be one of her friends over email, right? So, casually invite her out to karaoke. Show up a little late and send her a text saying, “I’m gonna be late, so you should go in before me!” Then, when she goes into the room you can follow her. Since it’s karaoke, nobody will ever hear her screams! Good luck!

#2ch: I don’t suppose this “Denko” might be little more than a figment of your imagination? If that’s the case, I don’t think there’s any doubt you have schizophrenia.
Or perhaps “Denko” does exist, but all the outrageous events you write of here are completely wild fantasies. If that’s the case… I still don’t think there’s any doubt you have schizophrenia.

#2ch: If Denko figures out it’s the OP emailing her, she’s going to go insane.

#OP: I’m planning to get the info and make a quick getaway. I don’t think I’ll get caught… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: It’s inevitable, dude. Do you want her to hate you even more?

#OP: Apparently Denko and some of her friends are going to see the cherry blossoms in the park tomorrow. I might be able to see Denko from afar, while she’s distracted by the blossoms. But I could use your advice to make sure I don’t do anything wrong… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: How did you find this out?

#OP: Denko’s friend sold me the info for 3000 yen… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: Oh, right. Is the friend who’s selling you all this info a boy or a girl?

#OP: She’s a girl, but don’t worry, I know I can’t trust her 100%. (´・ω・`)

#2ch: Having to pay for information isn’t making you lose heart? What would Denko have to say to make you give up??

#OP: I think I’m being very faithful by going as far as paying to know more about Denko. Giving up at this point would be unthinkable, so I’m not thinking about it.
Because I really don’t know what I would do. (´・ω・`)

#2ch: This Denko sounds like a real nice girl. I mean, she actually gave this guy the time of day despite the fact that he’s been bullied all his life and is still being a creeper even in college.

#OP: I think things are really going to make progress this afternoon. No replies since Denko seems to be asleep… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: You should just casually greet her today. And since it’s hot, maybe you can offer her some juice.

#OP: I’ve been thinking about just casually showing up, yeah… And then meeting Denko in person under the cherry blossoms so I can confess my feelings once more… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: Uh, do you think suddenly running into you is going to make Denko happy?

#OP: Was it accident or fate that me and Denko met on this earth? I got the information about where she was going from her friend, so maybe that could be fate? And Denko might just realize how fated our meeting is… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: Here’s how things are going to go down: 1. Denko rejects him or reports him to the police. 2. Isn’t it awful that she tramples on my pure feelings? 3. How can she not understand that I love her so? I will never forgive her… 4. Denko gets stabbed…

#2ch: JESUS CHRIST, NO! DENKO, RUN AWAY!

#2ch: I knew a guy who got rejected five times by a girl for not being her type, but the sixth time he asked, she agreed to date him. When I asked the girl why she dated him, she seemed to honestly like his determination. Incidentally, it was the girl’s first boyfriend, so she was worrying a lot about dating, but she fell for the guy’s fierce forwardness. No reason for OP to give in! So good luck and don’t stab her!

#OP: Whoa! That sounds exactly like me and Denko right now! That really gives me hope! (´・ω・`)

#2ch: I wonder what Denko looks like. Is she cute? Being targeted by a stalker can’t be good for her mental state, though.

#OP: Yeah, she’s cute, though I don’t know if I could compare her to any celebrities since I don’t really know any… I guess you could call her the model Japanese beauty.

#2ch: Hmmmm… And her height? I bet she’s skinny.

#OP: She’s around 150 cm and has a slender figure… And she’s never been with a guy. (´・ω・`)

#2ch: Wait, how do you know she’s never been with a guy. Did she tell you that herself?

#OP: Um, no… I just have a feeling she is… I mean… I KNOW Denko isn’t that type of girl… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: Denko will probably develop a morbid fear of men at this rate. And why the hell did Denko’s friend give OP info? Even to make a quick buck, that’s the worst friend ever…

#2ch: By the way, in one of the emails he sent to her, he explicitly denied wanting to “kill her or abuse her”… If this is real, that’s nightmarish…

#2ch: Poor Denko’s gonna have PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).

#OP: My entire life is riding on today’s confession, so I’m terrified of someone getting in the way… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: What do you think the chances of your confession succeeding are?

#OP: Honestly, probably about fifty-fifty… But I know she’s going to accept! I believe! Not to spoil anything, but I do have a special backup plan… I told one of Denko’s friends to ask her to buy some alcohol. Then, when Denko is alone, I’ll call out to her and bring her under the cherry blossoms. (´・ω・`)

#2ch: Ooh, what a schemer! Make sure she doesn’t hurt herself when she swoons.

#2ch: Just one thing I want to ask OP. If Denko’s with a boyfriend at the park, will you stab her?

#OP: She definitely doesn’t have one so it’ll be okay. (´・ω・`)

#2ch: You got some real great friends, Denko… LOLOLOL

#2ch: So the only info you’ve gotten from the friend is Denko’s contact info and the info about today?

#OP: No, she’s already sold me a bunch of other info. Like the other day, Denko went with a friend to a soap store and bought some honey-scented body soap. So now I’m using the exact same stuff as Denko… Please don’t misunderstand! The reason I’m using the same body soap is just because I thought it might help me know Denko’s feelings and make me think about her. So it’s not for gross reasons or anything… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: Has all the info so far been correct?

#OP: The info I got from Denko’s friend? So far, I guess… But I still don’t trust her 100%.

#OP: OHMYGODOHMYGOD I JUST GOT AN EMAIL FROM DENKO!!!! I’M GONNA EXPLODE!!! I’m sweating so much as usual, I had to go wash my face first!

#OP: She said: “…? Is this OP?” (My name) How did she find me out…? (´・ω・`)

#2ch: Busted!

#2ch: It was probably one of these two: 1. You signed the email with that stupid emoticon. 2. She got an email from her real friend. Haha, gonna have to get serious now…

#OP: I’m thinking how to reply… Please, I need a way to avert this crisis… (´・ω・`)

#2ch: This is tough… She’s clever. I don’t know how you could reply to keep up the charade.

#OP: I’m feeling so depressed… Well, for the people supporting me, I’ll keep you up to date on the results! Bye! (´・ω・`)

The story continues in Denko Part 4



The Denko Series:
Denko 1 [Help!] The Girl I Like Won’t Respond to My Emails (´・ω・`)
Denko 2 [Help!] I Can’t Contact My Girlfriend (´・ω・`)
Denko 3 [Help!] The Girl I’m Dating Isn’t My Girlfriend Anymore (´・ω・`)
Denko 4 [Help!] My Girlfriend Is Testing Me (´・ω・`)
Denko 5 [Help!] I’m Not Sure Who I Like Anymore (´・ω・`)

11 Comments

Leave a Comment

Copy Protected by Chetan's WP-Copyprotect.