Monkeys For Sale

Monkeys For Sale is a weird funny story about a boy who buys some cheap monkeys in a pet shop and brings them home.

Monkeys For Sale

I saw a sign in the window of the pet store. It read “mONKEYS fOR sALE”. The store was selling them for five cents apiece. I thought that was odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. He wasn’t very smart. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the face. I laughed. Then they punched me in the face. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn’t adapt very well to their new home. They screeched and jabbered, they hurled themselves off the couch at high speeds and slamed into the wall, face first. Although humorous at first, it became boring after an hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were on sale: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped dead. Kind of like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Darn cheap monkeys.

I didn’t know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs. I had to get rid of them before my parents came home.

I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn’t work. It got stuck. Now I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.

I had to use the bathroom, but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn’t want to call the plumber. I was too embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately, there was only enough room in the freezer for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. This wasn’t very efficient. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn’t go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire. Now I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The smell was getting worse.

I became irritated by my inability to dispose of my monkeys. I was also irritated because I couldn’t use the bathroom. I punched one of my dead monkeys in the face. I felt better.

I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said that he wasn’t allowed to dispose of charred monkeys. I told him that I had a wet one but he said he couldn’t take that either. I didn’t bother asking about the frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn’t know quite what to say. They pretended they liked dead monkeys, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the face.

I like monkeys.

Comments

  1. silverynightsoul says

    this story is the funniest creepy story I’ve ever read online. Spread the s##t so badly and then gifting the same to others..!! Nice Idea.. :D

  2. dark sentinel says

    i have no special feelings for monkeys.ONE OF THEM SNATCHED A PACKET OF SWEETS(which i loved a lot)FROM MY HAND WHEN I WAS YOUNG

  3. RoxyFoxyhz115 says

    1 What the fudge is this

    2 Lol πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜…πŸ˜…

    3 Dead monkeys as a present that’s stupidily insane

  4. Crystal says

    LOL!! I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD ALL THE WAY!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! :’D :’D :’D
    RESULTS:
    1) Plot- 2/10 Dead Monkeys
    2) Scary- 3/10 Dead Monkeys
    3) Sense Of Humor- 9/10 Dead Monkeys

  5. SweetBlood says

    Damn… I’m in the hospital now! It was the story’s fault….. I almost died laughing……. I didn’t really get it, but somehow, I am amused…..

  6. XxJust_RandomxX says

    LolπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I like monkeys too!I give this story a 200/200 dead monkeysπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

  7. FAN OF SCARY FOR KIDS says

    I like monkeys. But i would never buy 200 at at a time! Although i have a big room but monkeys need more space. The story was very funny especially the last part!

  8. scary-for-kids-lover says

    why in the world would someone buy 200 MONKEYS???? i guess they reallllllllly like monkeys….

  9. Creepytati says

    Lol poor dead monkeys …i just made my account and i’m super happy about it ,i wz usd to just reading an nt commenting bt nw i cn do both WHOA go SFK!!!

  10. ticktock... im coming for u says

    LOL MY BEZZIE LIKES MONKEYS ILL GIVE HER A DEAD ONE FOR A PREZZIE AND THEN ILL ONLY HAVE TO FIND 199 PEOPLE WHO LOVE MONKEYS

  11. Izzygirl1 says

    LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  12. Kenneth McCormick says

    LoL this is funny poor monkeys died ;D nut yet it’s funny GO KENNY! :)

  13. Wysteriia says

    This is so hilarious! I just finished reading the toilet girl, forget the title of the story, and I got creeped out. Now I’m dying. Dying of laughter.

  14. ddaisy13 says

    omg, that was the funniest thing i have ever read. it was soooo funny! now i know what do do with the 234 dead monkeys in my backyard!!!!

  15. KissForever says

    LMAOWROFLWLOL! (Laughing My Arse Off While Rolling On The Floor Laughing While Laughing Out Loud :p)

  16. ...Dead...Abby... says

    Dude, Lol. WWYD??? If some one handed you a burnt dead monkey for Christmas??

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