Eyeless Jack

Eyeless Jack is a scary creepypasta story about a young man who encounters a terrifying creature as he lies in bed one night. The story has a good idea, but the writing is terrible, the grammar is horrible and the plot contains more holes than Spongebob Squarepants. This is a good example of why you should always rewrite your stories to improve them and make them better.

Eyeless Jack

Hello, my name is Mitch. I’m here to tell you guys about an experience I had. I don’t know if it was paranormal or whatever stupid words people use to describe supernatural phenomena, but after that thing visited me, I believe in that paranormal trash, now.

A week after I moved in with my brother, Edwin, after my house was foreclosed, I finished unpacking. Edwin liked the idea of me moving in, since we had not seen each other after 10 years, so I was excited, too. I soon fell asleep after I moved in. After that 1 week, I heard rustling noises coming from outside at about one in the morning. I thought it was a raccoon, so I ignored and tried to fall asleep. The next morning, I told Edwin about it, and he agreed.

The next night, however, I thought I heard my window opening and a loud thump, as if something entered my room. I darted up and looked around my room, but I saw nothing. The next morning, Edwin dropped his coffee cup when he saw me. He held up a nearby mirror and I saw myself. I had a large gash in my left cheek.

After I was rushed to the hospital, my doctor told me that I must have been sleepwalking, but then he showed me something that made my blood turn cold. He lifted up my shirt to reveal a sewn up incision where my kidneys were. I started in his eyes, my eyes widening. “You somehow lost your left kidney last night. We don’t know how, though. Sorry, Mitch.” my doctor told me.

The next night was my breaking point. Around midnight, I woke up to see a truly horrifying sight. I was staring face to face with a creature with a black hoodie and dark blue mask with no nose or mouth staring down at me. The thing that scared me the most was that it had no eyes. Just empty, black sockets. The creature also had some black substance dripping from it’s sockets. I grabbed the camera nearby on a mantel and took a picture. After the picture took, the creature lunged at me and tried to claw open my chest to get to my lungs. I stopped it by kicking it in the face. As I ran out of my room, I grabbed my wallet. I would need the money. I ran out of my brother’s house into the night. I eventually ended up in the woods near Edwin’s house and tripped on a rock.

I fell unconscious and woke up in the hospital. My doctor entered the room. The same one who treated me before. “I have good news and bad news, Mitch.” my doctor started. “The good news is that you had minor injuries, and your parents are going to pick you up.” I sighed with relief. “The bad news is that your brother has been killed by some… thing. Sorry.”

My parents took me back to Edwin’s house to collect my remaining belongings, which I did. Upon entering my room, I was scared, but remained calm. I grabbed my camera then stopped dead in my tracks. In the hallway leading to my room, I saw Edwin’s body and something small lying next to it. I picked up the small thing and entered my parent’s car, not mentioning Edwin’s corpse. I looked at the thing I had picked up and nearly vomited. I was holding my stolen half-eaten kidney, with some black substance on it.

Comments

  1. TypicalBeans says

    here is MY version of the story.

    Hey guys. My name’s Mitch. I used to be a pretty nice guy, and I still am. I’m just nervous now. This is the story of how everything changed… forever. So I moved in with my brother Edwin until he went to college. that was great, because we hardly ever got to see each other. one night as I was on the verge of sleep, I heard tapping on the window. “It’s probably just some animal.” I thought. “Edwin lives near the woods.” As I drifted into sleep, the last thing I heard was the window opening and something landing in my room. The next day, my side hurt and my cheek stung something awful. I went into my brother’s room. “Hey Edwin.” I said. He shot bolt upright in his bed and stared at me. “Come with me.” he said. He drove me to the hospital. I looked in a mirror on the way there and there was a huge gash on my cheek, bleeding. I lifted my shirt a bit and saw my hip had been sewed shut. There was inky black liquid on my side and near the gash on my cheek. When we got to the hospital, they bandaged up my gash and my doctor (named Dr. Maxwell) informed me that my left kidney was missing. The next night I woke up to see someone… or something… leaning over me. It had a black hoodie on and it’s face was blue, with no nose or mouth, just huge black eye sockets, with inky substance dripping out of them… just like the stuff that was on my hip and my cheek. At first I thought the horrific face was a mask. Then I realized… it was the thing’s FACE. I snapped a picture on my phone. The flash showed what was inside the sockets. there was no skull. Just a brain. I vomited on the creature as it lunged for me. it landed on me and scratched my chest, trying to get to my other kidney. I realized the head was it’s weak spot, since there was no skull to protect the brain. I kicked it in the face, and it fell backwards in pain. I looked down. it was completely still. It appeared to be dead. As I walked past it, however, it grabbed my leg and scratched it really deep. I screamed in pain. I kicked it off and ran for my life. I ran into my brother. he looked at me and looked into my room. He saw the creature getting up. “Mitch, I want you to get out of here. Run as fast as you can.” he looked towards the creature. He grabbed the poker from the fire place(It was right by his room) and began hitting the creature with it, stabbing and jabbing at it’s stomach. It screeched. I ran from the house. It lunged at him, and he stabbed at it, but he missed and it tackled him. I didn’t even see the horrific scene, as they both went under the view of the window. all of the sudden the creature broke through the window and began running towards me. it was about 15 feet away. I ran for my life. I thought “I hope it just knocked him out and thought he was dead, or he pretended to be dead.” I clung onto that thought as i ran faster than I ever had in my entire life. I turned around and saw that the creature had stopped running. I could see an open wound in it’s stomach. It just looked at me as I kept running. I eventually couldn’t run any longer. I sat down on a bench and took a deep breath. Then I saw red and blue lights flashing. They stopped in front of me, and I realized it was an ambulance. Dr. Maxwell came out. “My God…” He looked at me. “Mitch what- what happened to you?!” “It’s a long story Doctor.” I said. He got me into the ambulance and drove me to the hospital. He took me to my room and I hopped into bed and fell asleep instantly. I was woken up in the middle of the night my a sound I saw the creature leaning over me again just before it lunged, I heard a gunshot. The creature fell over. It’s back was smoking. I looked to the door. I saw a silhouette in the doorway. He walked in. My eyes filled up with tears. “EDWIN!!!” I screamed and flung myself into his arms. The next day Me and Edwin went back to his house. Later that night I went into his room. I screamed. Edwin lay dead on the floor. I cried. “But I just came back to you” I said, tears streaming down my cheeks. I heard footsteps behind me. The creature stood there, it’s empty sockets staring into my eyes. He held up Edwin’s half eaten kidney. to my surprise, the creature spoke. “Delicious. And it looks like Jack will be having three kidneys tonight instead of two!” He said, laughing like a maniac. he lunged at me, but I kicked him in the face, and he flew back into the wall. His head smacked into the wall, and he slumped towards the ground. I walked over to him. I noticed the black ink had stopped coming from his eyes. the sockets slid closed. I felt the heartbeat. Nothing. I ran over to Edwin. I felt his heartbeat. it was faint, but still going. “Edwin.” I said. He appeared to be unconscious. I dragged him to the front door. i called the hospital. “Come here now Dr. Maxwell!” I said, crying. I heard the ambulance outside the door about 10 minutes later. there was a knock at the door. I opened it. Dr. Maxwell stood there, frowning. He took Edwin to the hospital. Edwin survived, and he still lives to this day, just like me. But Jack… well, his body wasn’t there when we got back home. We never did know if he was still alive, or if his body was just taken from the house. But one thing is for sure, he never bothered another soul.

  2. FAN OF SCARY FOR KIDS says

    When I read the title eyeless jack, I thought it has something do do with cards in which the jack of cards would have no eyes. Anyways creepy story.

  3. an0ther1 says

    So here it is:
    I was never a superstitious person. I didn’t believe in black cats, bad luck, ghosts, or any of that paranormal stuff. But I do now, and I can tell you, it’s because of one very good reason… and I call him Jack.

    I had a brother named Edwin, who was several years older than me and lived on his own. My parents planned on moving due to my father’s new job, so I asked them if I could live with Edwin until I finished up school. They decided it was fine, and my brother was cool with it because we didn’t get to see each other much. The first week flew by. I went to school, football practice, did homework, and hung out with Edwin. Then one night, I heard a rustling just outside my window. Too tired to get up and investigate, I assumed it was some kind of animal and went back to sleep. My brother lives close to the woods, so I figured this would be a logical explanation. When I mentioned it to him the next day, he agreed.

    “Raccoons come by a lot to scavenge for food. Don’t worry about it Mitch,” he told me. I then went about my day, and thought nothing of it again.

    That night, I heard a noise again. This time, I heard a struggle by my window. I stayed in bed until I heard the faint screeching of my window opening, and a thump of something landing in my room. At this point I bolted upright, reaching for my pocket knife I kept in the drawer of my bedside table. Upon surveying the room, however, I found nothing. I tossed and turned the rest of the night, eventually falling into a restless sleep. I got up early that morning and went to the bathroom. I felt an ache in my side, and my cheek stung. When I looked in the mirror, there was a gash on the left side of my face, and my side had a long incision that had been sewn up a few hours ago. I rushed into my brother’s room the best I could with my injuries and shook him awake. As soon as he cracked his eyes open, he zeroed in on my face and shot up.

    “What the heck happened to you Mitch?” he demanded.

    “I have no idea.”

    My brother got a scared look in his eye, and without another word he got up and dressed. He then drove me to the doctor.

    When we got to the hospital, I was checked over, and a series of tests were done. The doctor cleaned and sewed up my face, and gave me a prescription for some painkillers. My brother and I filed a report to the police, but they had little to investigate.

    A few days later, the doctor called with the test results.

    “I’m sorry Mitch. I really don’t know how to break the news to you…this hasn’t really happened before, but…uh…your left kidney is gone. It’s been stolen. Whoever did this really knew what they were doing. Have you told the police yet?”

    I assured him we had filed a report, and that we would share this new information with them. I couldn’t believe it. My kidney was just…gone. I went to bed that night scared and unsure. Who would do this? Why? How? I fell into a fitful sleep.

    Around midnight, I woke to a truly horrifying sight. Above my head, someone was leaning over me. He…it…wore a black hoodie. His face was covered with a dark blue mask. There was no nose or mouth, only two, huge, empty eye sockets. From these sockets dripped a black, inky substance, like thick tears. Frozen in shock, the only thing I thought was, “evidence.” So I snagged my phone off the table and snapped a picture. The flash seemed to anger the creature, and he jumped on me, ripping at my chest. We struggled, and I eventually kicked the thing in the face, giving me just enough time to escape.

    I ran out of the house to the nearest bus stop. When I realized I wasn’t being followed, I flopped down on the bench and passed out.

    When I woke up, I found myself in the hospital. The doctor from before, Dr. Samuels, was standing over me checking my vitals.

    “Mitch, you’re awake. Uh, I’m not sure what happened to you, but someone found you all bloody on the bench at the bus stop and called the police. They brought you to the hospital. You’re okay except for some cuts and bruises. But your house… it was a mess-” Before the doctor could say more, a police officer came in.

    “Son, you’re going to have to come with me as soon as possible.”

    The doctor looked at me sympathetically.

    “Let me get your clothes and fill out a prescription for some more pain pills.” He turned to the officer. “Then he should be good to go.”

    A few minutes later I was in the passenger side of a police car, wearing my clothes from before (clean and sewn up), and clutching a bottle of pills. The officer got in the other side, turned, and addressed me.

    “When we got the call and investigated, we recognized you and knew something was going on at your house. The paramedic transferred you to the hospital while we went and checked your residence. What we found…it was horrifying. The place was torn apart. It looked like whatever did this was…extremely angry. And the victim. He was a gruesome sight to behold. Son, we are pretty sure he was your brother. But we need you to identify him for us, to be sure. Can you do that?”

    In all honesty, I didn’t think I could. But I had to. How else would we know for sure it was Mitch? So I agreed. When I entered my brother’s home, it was just as the police officer described. That thing was furious that I had gotten away. I looked in my room and saw my cell.

    “Can I take that now?” I asked.

    “I don’t see why not. Now come. He’s in here.”

    The officer led me to my brother’s office. Papers were scattered everywhere from an evident struggle. Books were lying on the floor like they had been tossed. His desk chair was upturned and his laptop smashed. The window was halfway open, and below it… oh goodness. His torso was ripped open, his innards all spilling out. He had slashes all over his arms and legs and face… “That’s him alright.” I then turned away and cried into my arm. He was so close to escaping. All he needed to do was open the window a little farther and jump out. That was it. I wiped my eyes, and then something caught my eye. It was almost completely under my brother’s desk. It was a half-eaten kidney, covered in a black inky substance. I leaned over and vomited. The officer quickly led me out of the room.

    “Don’t worry about it son. Two of the new technicians did that as well. Now, I called your parents and let them know what happened. They’re gonna pick you up in a little bit. The guy responsible for this hasn’t been caught yet, but we will get him. Now, we just need your statement…”

    I filled out the necessary paperwork and went home with my parents. The funeral for Edwin was a closed casket ceremony, of course. I went with life, hard as it was. I jumped at every little noise. My therapist says I have PTSD. Sometimes I spot splotches of inky substance around me. I decided to name the creature Jack. My therapist says that if I give it a harmless name it will help me get over my fear. Hasn’t worked yet. Oh, and the picture on my phone? It’s just a black screen, despite the flash. I’ve tried every picture restoration program out there. No one is to see Jack. One thing is always on my mind now…when will he come back for me?

  4. an0ther1 says

    I don’t think this is amazing, but I rewrote Eyeless Jack. Its as close to the original as I could get it while fixing the story. There are more details, and its slightly more realistic. Hope you enjoy (and feel free to comment on it/point out any mistakes on it. I can fix them and post it again.)

  5. Miss unknown says

    I’ve been on this site for very long and theres somethings ii just realized. This doctor guy is all like…”bro your brother was killed by something…sorry”. Then the brothers body is just there… like did it magically apear there like a figment of his imagination ooor seeing as the doctor knew the brothers was there did the people who found him just leave his body there like “neh we should just leave this body here and go get some lunch” . And then the dude just leaves his brothers dead body and grabs the kidney 😂😂 like wtf was going through his mind ” oh my gosh my brothers dead body! I’m not going to tell my parents and having him burried nah I’m ganna take this half eaten kidney instead!!!” It was funny if anything

  6. izayafan says

    ever met a crazy doc who says “somehow u lost your kidney!” or “your brother was killed by some thing??” if u have not… then u r in for a big surprise oh and lets not forget “i was scared but remained calm” please tell me buddy how to do that.

  7. creepypastafangirl 2.0 says

    How to Make EJ Cry!!! Starring: Ben, EJ
    Ben: Jack!!! Jackie!!! JACKEH!!!!!!
    Jack: What?
    Ben: I wanna tell you something…
    Jack: What?
    Ben: *leans in close and whispers in EJ’s ear* Kidney disease…
    Jack: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! >A.<|||
    Ben: Hey, man, it's not that bad.
    Jack: *in depression corner* Shut up. You've done enough.
    Ben: Dude, I'm sorry. I'll get you a kidney.
    Ben: ;v; Thanks, bro.

  8. creepypastafangirl says

    @EyelessJack I have your story ready!
    Knock it off!
    Me: Oh, hey, Jack! What’s up?
    Eyeless Jack: Hey, I just met you…
    Me: What?
    Eyeless Jack: And this is crazy…
    Me: Stop it.
    Eyeless Jack: But here’s my number…
    Me: Quit!
    Eyeless Jack: So call me maybe!
    Me: THAT DOES IT!!! *chases Eyeless Jack*
    Eyeless Jack:*runs into the kitchen* *opens freezer*
    Me:*follows Eyeless Jack* *runs into the freezer door* OW!!!
    Eyeless Jack:You okay?
    Me:I’m fine. I just-*tackles Eyeless Jack* *starts poking him in the sides repeatedly*
    Eyeless Jack: STOP!!! STOP!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! STOP!!!!
    Me: Say you won’t Call Me Maybe me again!
    Eyeless Jack: OKAY!!! I WON’T DO IT AGAIN!!!
    Me:Thank you!
    I hope you like it!

  9. DragonDance says

    R.I.P grammar… Thank you sfk. I never wrote stories here but this is a good story example for me if I am ever gonna write one. Well, sorry if my english is bad. -.-

  10. happenstance says

    OR MAYBE A WHOLE CATAGOREY FOR THEM sorry i just posted three coments about but it gotta be hard coming up with ideas

  11. happenstance says

    SFK HEEEEYYYY SFK ARE YOU LISTING YOU SHOULD DO A STORY ABOUT BLACK EYED KIDS THERE rEALLY CREEPY AND THEY ASK TO COME IN YOUR HOUSE BUT YOU HAVE TO SAY ITS OK LIKE VAMPIRES PLEASE DO A STORY ON THEM IT WOULD BE BETTER THAN A ONE DERECTION STORY

  12. angel of death girl says

    What if it wasn’t his own kidney and the kidney was edwins? Does he know what his own kidney looks like lol! Hehehe

  13. gangsofghouls says

    Hey,if he’s scared then why heck instead of running first he would take pics-it’s like”Say Cheese,your eyeless sockets look totally awesome”and then run …….

  14. I love drama says

    I knew the picture will be scary! I closed my eyes and scrolled down. When I saw the picture, my heart skip a beat. Does anyone agree that SFK should put a cover over the picture saying: Caution/Warning: this may scar you. So many other pictures have scarred me. At least put a warning

  15. poisonivy says

    Hmm, good idea for the story but I would prefer a back story to eyeless Jack. The plot had some holes in, sure, but still a good idea. Slenderman is still my favorite creepypasta :D

  16. scary ghost fan says

    Oooh THAT was creeeepyyyy…I don’t know if I’ll SLEEP tonight…Good story.

  17. stephaniejade97 says

    I just think the doctor was really dodgy… The way he broke the news to the boy was so unrealistic!
    “You lost your kidneys last night, we don;t know how… Sorry?”
    Really Stupid.
    I has potential though, it could be a good story.

  18. Xx Death Bolt xX says

    haha this story is just weird…
    Instead of a phone he had a camera next to his bed… The hell is this world turning into XD

  19. Dont take me seriously says

    There really are a lot of holes in this story like ” Where the heck did the First week go? ” and ” What happened to the picture he took? “.

  20. GhostGirl666 says

    Stupid plot it could have been better. Kidney stuff was kind of nasty. Good story anyway

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