Girlfriend Problems

Girlfriend Problems is a scary funny story about an average-looking guy who finds himself at the center of a bizarre love triangle when two girls fall in love with him.

Back when I was in high school, I wasn’t the best looking guy. I guess I’d probably rate myself a 6/10. My parents had just moved house, so I didn’t have any friends and I was quite lonely.

One warm Summer’s day, I was mowing the lawn when a little dog happened to come running into our garden. It disappeared behind our house. I looked up to see a beautiful girl walking down the road, obviously chasing it. She was a 9/10. After I helped her find her dog, I introduced myself and we started talking. We had a lot in common, so I got her number. We eventually went out on a date and fell in love.

A few months later, a new girl moved in, just down the street from me. She wasn’t bad-looking. Maybe a 7/10. Being a friendly guy, I decided to be polite and introduce myself. We became friends, but she always seemed a bit strange to me. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what it was, but there was definitely something odd about her.

One day, she asked me out on a date. I politely declined and tried to let her down easy. I explained to her that it didn’t make sense for me to go out with a 7/10 when I was already dating a 9/10. That didn’t seem to go down very well with her. When she found out that I had a girlfriend, I could see she was extremely jealous.

As the weeks went by, I began to notice that I was seeing my girlfriend less and less, while I had been seeing the other girl more and more. Whenever we were together, my girlfriend always seemed worried, as if she had a lot on her mind. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but in retrospect, I wish I did because I quickly came to regret it.

About 4 days later, I got a message from my girlfriend on Facebook saying that someone had sent her an anonymous message threatening to kill her if she ever talked to me again. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. That’s when it dawned on me that the other girl was a complete psycho and was stalking my girlfriend.

For the next couple of days, I couldn’t sleep a wink. I was really freaked out and didn’t know what to do about the situation. I was afraid to call my girlfriend in case it made matters worse. I was afraid to call the other girl in case it made her do something crazy.

By the weekend, I still hadn’t heard anything from my girlfriend and I was really getting worried for her safety. I tried calling her, but the phone just rang and rang and nobody picked up.

Just then, there was a knock on the front door. I answered it and saw two men in police uniforms standing there on the doorstep. They had grave expressions on their faces and asked if they could come inside. We went into the living room and sat down. They showed me pictures of the two girls and asked me If I knew them.

“Yes,” I said. There was a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I knew something was extremely wrong.

The policemen told me that my girlfriend had disappeared a few days ago. The 7/10 girl had been found dead that morning. She had committed suicide. During the autopsy, they found human remains inside her stomach. When they did a DNA test, they confirmed that it was the remains of my girlfriend.

“Do you have any idea what happened?” they asked.

I leaned forward in my chair and said, “I guess the best way to explain it is that 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9…”