Tell Me Your Story 4

Eye Problems

Eye Problems is a story submitted by a user named bikkiecake. It’s about a boy who has a terrifying experience with a pair of disembodied green eyes.

Eye Problems

Derek was sitting on the couch reading a book when his mum, Julie, came rushing in. She was soaking wet. Derek looked out the window and saw water streaking down the glass. It was raining. Julie kissed him on the forehead and went straight to the kitchen to put the groceries away. Derek put his book down and went to ask his mum something, but then hesitated and didn’t bother.

The table was awkwardly silent at dinner. The pitter-patter of the rain on the window was the only sound that was heard. After Derek finished his mum’s meat loaf, he went up to his room for bed. Derek got into his pyjamas and crawled into his warm comfy bed. Julie came in, turned off the light and closed the door. Derek stared at the door for a while before falling asleep.

Suddenly, Derek’s eyes snapped open. Something had crawled over his legs. He looked and the blanket. Nothing was there. He felt relieved and stared at the roof. There was a horrifying sight. A pair of bright green eyes were glowing in the darkness.

Before Derek could make any noise something slashed at his face. He couldn’t see anything but the big green eyes. Derek screamed. The eyes faded until there was no light at all. A minute later Derek’s mum came rushing in the room.

Derek and Julie sat in the living room. Derek’s face had a huge cut across his cheek. Julie held a cloth over his cut.

“Mum I’m fine! Just leave me alone!” he screamed.

“DEREK! I know that you are scared but you have to tell me what happened!” Julie replied.

After a long hesitation Derek told Julie what happened.

“Don’t be silly! There is no such thing as a pair of floating eyes!” Julie exclaimed.

“But Mum…”

“NO! Derek, you have a huge cut on your face! Things like these don’t just happen by accident! Just… Just go to bed.”

Derek went back up to his room, hoping that the eyes wouldn’t come back.

The next night Derek woke up and instantly looked around the room. There in the corner were the eyes. The eyes saw Derek and elegantly glided towards him. Derek was scared. Really scared.

The eyes stopped right in front of his face. Something stabbed his foot. Derek started to scream, but something stopped him.

A very sweet but distorted voice filled the air. It might have been coming from the eyes, but there is no mouth.

“Poor poor Derek… Only 12 years old… Such a short life for a very smart boy.”

Something stroked Derek’s hair. After minutes of terrible silence, the eyes slowly faded away. Evil laughter echoed through the house.

While having breakfast Derek spoke to Julie about the other night.

“WHAT! THEY SPOKE TO YOU!” Julie screamed.

“Yes mum. I don’t know how, but they did!”

Julie just stared at Derek for the rest of the morning. Derek refused to go to bed that night. He screamed and kicked at Julie. She was furious with him.

“Derek you have got to listen to me! If you don’t stop now, you will go INSANE!”

She eventually got Derek into his room. Derek was tied down onto the bed. Julie watched him scream until he stopped and passed out. She gently kissed his forehead and walked out of the room.

Derek woke up and screamed in terror. The eyes were at the foot of his bed.

“Poor poor Derek. Tied down to the bed. Surely you are strong enough to get free.” The voice lovingly said. “No? Well this will make my job much MUCH easier!”

There was a loud bang… and then nothing.

Half an hour later, Julie came in to check on Derek. She opened the door and turned on the light. Derek was still tied to the bed. He had been shot in the stomach. Julie just stared at him, waiting for him to move. He was dead.

Julie smiled at the horrifying scene. She turned off the light and started to walk away. Before closing the door she looked back at her son. Her big green eyes started glowing. “Stupid boy,” she murmured. “You should always listen to your Mother.”


  • 10/10 mean moms
    Thankfully my mom’s eyes are brown…but my dad’s are green.
    I’m never sleeping again :)

  • I like the end. How she waited, it seemed like she was scared for her son. But nope! She was making sure he was dead…

  • @DeathlyPrincess
    D: How did it suck? It makes me really sad that you would say something like this without an explanation. Please tell me how it sucked so I can improve! :D

  • @mehawk
    Well I guess I am getting accused of not having original stories again… It happened on my other story, “Album Cover”
    If anyone says that my stories aren’t original, I am really sorry. I always think up of some really cool ideas and make a story… but because I have read SO MANY stories, I might get confused of which ideas are original and which ones are not.
    Sorry for any inconveniences.
    bikkiecake -_-

  • @sonickungfu
    If you read it carefully, you will notice that is says that Derek WOKE UP and saw the eyes. This means he fell asleep so Julie could of easily slipped in and woken him up.

  • when it sais;julie kissed him on the forehead and WALKED OUT OF THE ROOM,the eyes appeared and killed him,how can the mother walk in the room and be the killer because the mum killed derrek and she was the green eyes,so how did she walk into the room when she was the green eyes?!?!

  • Police arrived an 2 hours later. they examined the scene and the house. When investigating Julie’s bedroom, they heard noises from the cupboard. There was a note attached to the door.
    “You poor poor people. Saving others for a living. Well! Who will save you now?”
    There were several loud bangs, then forever silence.

  • Thanks guys!
    I was going to add an extra bit at the end about what happened after but the story was too long. I think I might post it here so have a look!

  • Yeah..I had a feeling it was his mother when the loving voice part caming. You make really good stories bikkicake.

    bikkiecake, you’re a GREAT author.

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